DoctorE

Turtles all the way down

Posts Tagged ‘Funny’

Ann Arbor Catholic priest tells parishioners to pack heat

Posted by doctore0 on April 21, 2015

:)

An Ann Arbor Catholic priest has urged his parishioners to arm themselves and attend classes at Christ the King parish to earn a concealed pistol license (CPL).

In a letter sent to Christ the King parishioners recently, the Rev. Edward Fride explained why he believed it was necessary to get concealed pistol licenses because of recent crime in the area. During a Palm Sunday mass last month, Fride announced that the parish would be holding the CPL class.

When some parishioners questioned the decision, Fride sent out a pro-gun letter titled “We’re not in Mayberry Anymore, Toto” – a reference to the 1960s-era Andy Griffith Show and its portrayal of a fictional North Carolina town, as well as Dorothy’s dog from the Wizard of Oz.

“It is very common for Christians to simply assume that they live in Mayberry, trusting that because they know the Lord Jesus, everything will always be fine and nothing bad can happen to them and their families,” Fride wrote.

“How to balance faith, reality, prudence, and trust is one of those critical questions that we struggle with all our lives. Pretending we are in Mayberry, while we are clearly not, can have very negative consequences for ourselves and those we love, especially those we have a responsibility to protect. If we are not in Mayberry, is there a real threat?”
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Obligatory

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Church of Bacon protests at local Wells Fargo Bank branch

Posted by doctore0 on April 21, 2015

Protest held after bank allegedly would not notarize document for church member

Church of Bacon <–

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KosherSwitch Launch

Posted by doctore0 on April 16, 2015

Dunno if real.. but hey, religion

Bonus …

Crazy huh :D

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Unholy Trinity Down Under: “Biblical Absurdity”

Posted by doctore0 on April 15, 2015

In March of 2015, the Atheist Foundation of Australia hosted atheist activists Matt Dillahunty, Aron Ra and Seth Andrews (under the tongue-in-cheek tour title, “The Unholy Trinity Down Under”).

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Couple arrested for selling golden tickets to heaven

Posted by doctore0 on April 10, 2015

They look trustworthy :)

jcgangTito and Amanda Watts were arrested over the weekend for selling “golden tickets to heaven” to hundreds of people. The couple, who sold the tickets on the street for $99.99 per ticket, told buyers the tickets were made from solid gold and each ticket reserved the buyer a spot in heaven — simply present the ticket at the pearly gates and you’re in. “People can sell tickets to heaven,” a Jacksonville police spokesman said. “But the Watts misrepresented their product. The tickets were just wood spray painted gold with ‘Ticket To Heaven – Admit One’ written in marker. You can’t sell something as gold when it’s not. That’s where the Watts crossed the line into doing something illegal.” Tito Watts said in his police statement: I don’t care what the police say. The tickets are solid gold… it ain’t cut up two by fours I spray painted gold. And it was Jesus who give them to me behind the KFC and said to sell them so I could get me some money to go to outer space. I met an alien named Stevie who said if I got the cash together he’d take me and my wife on his flying saucer to his planet that’s made entirely of crack cocaine. You can smoke all the crack cocaine there you want… totally free. So, try to send an innocent man to jail and see what happens. You should arrest Jesus because he’s the one that gave me the golden tickets and said to sell them. I’m willing to wear a wire and set Jesus up…
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The Sound of Muslims

Posted by doctore0 on April 5, 2015

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ODE TO YAHWEH

Posted by doctore0 on March 21, 2015

Nonstampcollector + 43alley

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Elves make com­pro­mise with Road Ad­min­is­tra­tion

Posted by doctore0 on March 19, 2015

My crazy country :)

A large and un­usual rock will be moved to­day to make way for a new road in the mu­nic­i­pal­ity of Álf­tanes, close to Reyk­javík. An an­nounce­ment from the Ice­landic Road Ad­min­is­tra­tion states that the rock will be placed by the side of the road close to sim­i­lar rock for­ma­tions.

“A pact be­tween elves and men,” ex­plains clair­voy­ant Ragn­hildur Jóns­dót­tir who wrote to the Mayor of Garðabær on be­half of the elves in 2012.
A con­tro­ver­sial road pro­ject

Mov­ing the rock has been some­what con­tro­ver­sial and the new place­ment of the rock is no co­in­ci­dence. In 2013 the story of this rock, be­lieved to be the leg­endary Ófeigskirkja- an elf church- made in­ter­na­tional news.
Galadriel, the Lady of Lórien as she appears in Peter Jackson’s film version of Tolkien’s …

“Elf ad­vo­cates have joined forces with en­vi­ron­men­tal­ists to urge the Ice­landic Road and Coastal Com­mis­sion and lo­cal au­thor­i­ties to aban­don a high­way pro­ject build­ing a di­rect route from the Alf­tanes penin­sula, where the pres­i­dent has a home, to the Reyk­javik sub­urb of Gard­abær. They fear dis­turb­ing elf habi­tat and claim the area is par­tic­u­larly im­por­tant be­cause it con­tains an elf church,” wrote the As­so­ci­ated Press at the time.
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Watch A Knight Get Conservatives To Sign Up For The New Holy War

Posted by doctore0 on March 9, 2015

“We sent comedian Dan Ilic, dressed as a knight, to #CPAC2015 to sign up conservatives for Bill O’Reilly’s Holy War against ISIS.”

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Thank you lard for what we are about to receive aaahgggg gaaaaaa

Posted by doctore0 on March 6, 2015

Haha the lard wills it :)

WESTAMPTON, N.J. — A man who leaned over a plate of sizzling fajitas to pray can’t sue a Westampton restaurant because the dish burned him, an appellate court ruled Wednesday.

Hiram Jimenez sought damages from Applebee’s Neighborhood Grill and Bar after a March 2010 incident at the chain’s restaurant on Burlington-Mount Holly Road. But an appellate panel said Applebee’s can’t be held responsible because the hot food posed an “open and obvious” danger.

According to the ruling, Jimenez ordered fajitas that were placed in front of him in a “sizzling skillet.” When he bowed his head “close to the table,” the ruling says, Jimenez heard “a loud sizzling noise, followed by ‘a pop noise’ and then felt a burning sensation in his left eye and on his face.”

In an incident report prepared for Appelebee’s, Jimenez said he was burned on his face, neck and arms after “grease popped” on the fajitas.
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